The first stop for the coach was the Dachau concentration camp. It was a very somber experience, when you are there you can see how small the prisoners living areas were for the huge number of detainees. The videos and facts about the atrocities were shocking and distributing but I won’t go into them. If you want to learn more about it, a simple google search should yield the same information we were given. We did watch a 20 minute video about the camp which actually moved a few members of our group to tears.

Afterwards, we arrived in Munich for a bike tour of the city. The poor cycle guide had a hard time getting us in a jovial mood after what we had just witnessed. However they were very clever and funny guys and manage to return us to the present through some funny games. One was to shout out on the top of your lungs “Mullet!” When you saw someone rocking that style of hairdo. This happened far too much considering it is 2013 and that haircut died a long time ago.

Another game was some of us were chosen at random and given a pose to do when it was action time. I was given the role of a gate, but when combined with everyone else, we composed the entire courtyard that we had not yet entered. Then the instructors explained what the significance of the statues and their poses meant and after that we had 5 minutes to go inside and have a look for ourself.

We then continue riding our bikes until we reached the Munich Gardens, bigger than the one in New York. Our first destination was ‘English Park’, the only remaining nudist section. Originally it was legal to be stark naked anywhere, but than realised that old sleazy men shouldn’t be nude around children’s playgrounds and beer halls. They told us about some characters that hang out there such as ‘Tripod’ (self explanatory) and ‘Robocock’ (has a tonne of metal piercings there).

After that affront to our vision, we then took a quick ride to a place nicknamed ‘Jailbait Meadows’. This is one place I wish I could confidently ride one handed (no not that you sicko) so I could take photos of the awesome water playground that was there. It was a huge torrent of water flowing around corners and under bridges, which were equipped with monkey bars underneath. We managed to hop off our bikes and go for a swim in the childish waters. It was really fun but I was so impressed by the size of the artificial river and the velocity of it. Makes me so embarrassed by South Bank back home.

We dried off then continue riding until we arrived at the beer house and ordered a one litre stein of beer and a giant pork knuckle (which SP kept calling moose knuckle by mistake [urban dictionary that one if you dare]). Riding after the large meal and tipsy was a little bit challenging but I managed. Not only can you ride while under the influence, you don’t have to wear a helmet! We need to change the CityCycle system back to this ASAP. Before we went back to the hotel, we stopped at a part of the river where there was surfers practicing on a never ending wave.

The hotel we stayed in was the best so far, it was only for one night which was disappointing. I had an awesome bath, the first on the trip, and was so very relaxing. We then got dressed up and headed to a Hofbrauhaus, a public drinking hall. The first thing you noticed when you entered the building was the leather pants, the endless amount of alcohol or the traditional German music but instead was the roaring heat.

The building would be wonderful in winter, but in the summertime it was akin to torture. Maybe it was their ingenious plan to make you drink more deliciously cold beer, and when combined with dehydrating effects of salty pretzels, made you consume a lot more than you would under normal circumstances. I guess why they have a ‘sink’ in the bathroom that is intended for the sole use of throwing up into.

After loosing my weight in sweat, we headed across the road to a smallish pub to get some more drinks in cooler conditions. After one round we were asked to leave for being to loud, probably because half the tour group shouting “Mullet!” or “Big dog gotta eat” at the top of their lungs. I have no idea why Australians have such a bad reputation as tourists… We then went for a walk trying to find this exclusive club we had been told about.

As we were walking around, we noticed a splinter group go into the Hardrock Cafè. Not believing that people would travel to the other side of the world to enter a franchise that is practically everywhere, we went inside to investigate. Sure enough about six guys were sitting in an American themed establishment in Germany enjoying imported wines and soft drink you can get back home. We got some weird looks from them and promptly left to experience at least a little bit of the local culture.

We weren’t anymore successful than they were however, as the only new place we went into was a ‘strip club’ run by immigrants. Now the reason why I use quotes is that I’m certainly no expert in adult entertainment but I am fairly sure it was just someone’s apartment, that’s smaller than mine, that had been transformed into a one room sleaze factory. Having just watched Taken and knowing there is certainly no such thing as ‘free’ entry, I was quite concerned as we entered

As I was warning Colin to be careful and on the lookout, three other members of our party started ordering drinks. As this was happening a small lady approached us and forcefully asked what we wanted to drink. I quickly asked the eager alcoholics how much their drinks were, their response, 10 Euro for one bottle of beer! To put that in perspective, you can buy 1L of schnapps for 8. Not wanting to be in the strip club in the first place and certainly not wanting to be ripped off, we left before we were escorted out be ‘suucurritty’.

Afterwards, we asked the brave soles that stayed behind what had happened. Apparently the lady that was out the front and a gentlemen started stripping on their one pole as they sat on semen covered couches. Ok, maybe the couch wasn’t that bad but I wouldn’t want to run a black light over it. The lady out the front could only be described as a butter-face with a bad body. She either had a beer belly or was pregnant, not sure which is worse.

Giving up on ever finding the coolest club in Munich, we returned to the Hofbrauhaus but managed to get a table outside which was a little cooler. I had enough, was sick and exhausted and wanted nothing more to be sound asleep. We go for a wander around hoping for a miracle before our group decided to go to the Hardrock Café. I called the night there and shared a cab home with someone that felt the same way as Colin continued to party, having almost fully removed from what I call, Colin’s Disease.

Once I got home, I was taking advantage of the best wifi we had encountered on the trip, and FaceTimed Tanya until 2am where I fell into a sleep coma. In the morning I was so rushed to leave I had to miss out on breakfast. When we hit the road to Vienna, we found out we weren’t the only ones. Apparently everyone in Europe wants to go on holidays the first weekend of August, causing massive traffic delays totally screwing up our schedule.

Leave a Reply


%d bloggers like this: